literature

The Cop Story - HTML

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CobraToon's avatar
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*Empty stage except for six people talking, all are dressed strangely: BAT is a female figure dressed rather normally except for a crown on her head and a large mallet in her hands. JOZAN, the current speaker, is a young man dressed in chain mail and has the head of a dragon. RINCE is a foppish elder gentleman wearing tweed. KAT is a woman with the whiskers, ears and tail of a cat. SILENT wears all black and stays near the edge of the group, only listening. DRIZZIT is in complete contrast, a child wearing oversized clothing who darts back and forth, only sometimes listening.*

JOZAN
So there I was, driving along at one in the morning, obeying the speed limit of course, and there's this piece of garbage on the ground which I swerve to avoid. The next thing I know there's a cop behind me, signaling me to pull over. When I do, the guy walks up to my car, shines his flashlight right into my eyes, and asks me if I've been drinking!

DRIZZIT *Shouting*
Ha Ha!

BAT
Well, were you?

JOZAN
No … not unless pop counts.

RINCE
I'm quite sure soda does not count.

KAT
Did you explain that to him?

JOZAN
No, I just told him that I hadn't. I guess he didn't believe me, because he told me to get out of the car and do a sobriety test.

DRIZZIT *Shouting*
Oh, burn!

*DRIZZIT scrawls something on a piece of paper, folds it into a paper airplane, and tosses it to KAT, who reads it then angrily crumples it up*

KAT
I vote we boot Drizzit Du Awesome.

BAT
Denied Catalina K; he's new, give him the same chance I gave you. And you know I don't ban people just because they're excitable.

DRIZZIT *Shouting*
Double burn!

BAT *At DRIZZIT*
Although you could stand to learn a little etiquette. Please stop shouting, okay?

DRIZZIT *Shouting, big thumbs up*
Okay!

*KAT frowns at DRIZZIT's big smile and writes something on a paper airplane, then sticks the plane from DRIZZIT inside it and sends it to BAT, who reads them and frowns but does nothing; JOZAN, looking frustrated that his story was interrupted, eagerly continues*

JOZAN
So, as I was saying, the cop made me get out of the car. First he made me do the test where you walk on the line, which went fine.

DRIZZIT *Secretive, loud whisper*
You guys should come see this place I found, it's great!

JOZAN
So then he made me recite the alphabet backwards. When I got to the C, he stopped me.

DRIZZIT
Oh man! This is great! Rofl, I'm rofling!

JOZAN
Which kind of made me mad; I mean, when you've finally shown up the officer and you're about to finish his dumb test, he stops you? Isn't it his job to make sure I can do the whole thing?

DRIZZIT
Rofl!!

RINCE
Well, he could obviously see you were going to get it, I see no reason for him to have continued the charade. He then let you go, right?

KAT
Were you scared? I'm scared of getting pulled over when I can drive.

JOZAN *Speaking clearly, enunciating the names*
Rincewind Alfresco: I suppose. And yeah, he did. He goes, "Okay, well, this is a warning!" Jerk. Catalina: nah, I knew I was in the right, there was nothing he could do.

DRIZZIT
Do any of you guys like web comics?

RINCE
You know, it used to mean something to be a cop. It's sad to see this day.

KAT
I'm just scared, you know? Of how he's got that power over you, that authority.

BAT
Don't be. Jozan of Pelor is right, as long as you aren't doing anything wrong, the police are there to protect you.

DRIZZIT
'Cause I make this web comic with hot catgirls, I draw it myself, you all should come see it, especially you Kat.

*DRIZZIT winks theatrically at KAT, who flips him off behind her hand*

KAT
Miss Bat, please boot him!

BAT
Hmm … everyone except for Drizzit Du Awesome, yeah or nea. I will abstain.

DRIZZIT
Hey, lame!

JOZAN
Sure.

KAT
Please!

RINCE
Alright.

DRIZZIT
Lame!

*Everyone looks at SILENT, who looks back quizzically*

BAT
Silent Protagonist, the rules for booting stipulate that we need a majority of the room and I am abstaining, so please vote.

DRIZZIT
Come on dude, spare me?

*SILENT ponders, then nods toward BAT*

DRIZZIT (cont.) *Shouting*
Lame!

*BAT raises the mallet and swings at DRIZZIT, who is knocked off stage*

JOZAN
Good riddance.

RINCE
Indeed.

*KAT holds up the paper airplane DRIZZIT tossed to her, unfolding it*

KAT
Hey, I have to show you guys something. This is a private message he sent me. "Hey, furry? Hot! Wanna cyber?" So uh, thanks for booting the brat.

JOZAN
Yeesh, that guy was pretty bad. Why didn't you say something during the vote?

RINCE
Excuse me, but what is "cyber"?

KAT
I thought it would be bad to influence the vote with that.

*BAT creates an airplane and throws it to RINCE*

BAT
That was very good of you Catalina, thank you. Now everyone, if we could keep the defamation of parties no longer present to a minimum, please?

RINCE *Shaking head sadly*
My word! The world we live in!

*An airplane flies in from offstage and lands near BAT; she opens it and reads it, then smirks*

BAT
Well, now I have a private message to share. I'm sure you'll all get a kick out of this, I know I did. Ahem! "You jerk! You seemed cool, but now I can see you're a big jerk! I was making your room better just by being there, and then you boot me? I'm going to report you, and get you perma-banned! Sucks to be you!" I think I'll be lifting my ban on defamation.

KAT *speaks letters*
L O L!

RINCE
Indeed, I guffawed when I read that.

JOZAN
Seriously Rincewind, "guffawed"? How old are you again?

KAT
I'm glad that immature little maggot is gone.

RINCE
What can I say, I grew up on Archie.

BAT
Now, Catalina, it wasn't so long ago that you were quite excitable yourself. Maybe once he has learned to behave, someone will be able to tolerate him for more than five minutes. Not me, assuredly.

RINCE
Well said, madam.

SILENT
I thought her was kind of funny.

*Everyone stares in amazement at SILENT, who stares back*

JOZAN
You … you spoke!

*SILENT shrugs*

BAT
Well, now that is cause for celebration. To a friend making their first comment!

*Everyone claps together, then stop abruptly and again together*

JOZAN
So, anyone have any other cop stories?

END SCENE
A short play about the internet. Also lots of super hidden references! Enjoy.

Oh hey, so this is going to be my style for scripts/plays. Does it work? Eh?

I can still clearly remember the incident that inspired this short play. Driving home from work one night during the summer, I was pulled over for speeding. That was my first and only time so far of being pulled over (woo me!) but still it was something that really hit me; it was a trans formative moment to realize that I was an adult and yet there would still always be people who I had to respect or they would punish me. And I hate to be serious! Add to that my feelings of unfairness, because the cop had been really close behind me and I felt pressured into speeding, and I now had my own cop story to tell people. Also I began to notice and remember other people's cop stories, be it recounting how scared they were by the cop's authority over them, or ridiculing their cop for not having anything to charge them with. So all those feelings – plus a dash of forum board humor and my own interests – combined to form this story about one young man recounting his cop story to a few net-friends and another young man who isn't quite as serious or polite as the situation demands being evicted from the group. Do I like it? I like the little things I did to mimic forums, such as the paper airplanes for private messages, and I also like the ways in which each character is unique in both age and mannerisms, such as Rince using "guffaw." On the other hand, thinking about my own behavior at times I feel a little more sorry for the evicted character than I once did, which Silent seems to have understood long before I did. What did I learn? … I'm not sure. Perhaps that short and sweet has its moments. Or that language can and should change for different characters.
Comments3
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TheWhitePriestess's avatar
This was a really neat and creative idea! Awesome job. :D