Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Go to sleep, small child. Your claims of thirst do not impress me. I do not want you needing to pee during the night. You will not die without a drink.
Go to sleep, small child. Your hunger cannot be helped. I did not have dinner today either. You will learn to ignore it.
Go to sleep, small child. Your bed is soft, I promise. I have cleaned the sheets and patched the holes in the mattress. You will disappear to dream land in no time.
Go to sleep, small child. Your room cannot be made warmer. I have a space heater in my room, but you cannot sleep there. You will be cozy under your blankets.
Go to sleep, small child. Your teddy bear is not here. I understand, but stop crying. You will be returned to him very soon.
Go to sleep, small child. Your pajamas are at your house. I gave you that shirt to wear, don't you like it? You do not need to know what those letters mean.
Go to sleep, small child. Your friends at the park are fine. I know because the news said so. You can watch the news with me tomorrow.
Go to sleep, small child. Your parents will send the money. I won't hurt you if they don't. You would be more trouble dead.
The Letter
Things Everyone Should Know About Writing
This is for a contest 
Wow, this is quite creepy. I really like the repetition of the few words “go to sleep, small child” at the beginning of each part. That makes it sound like a song the kidnapper whispers to their victim. It is also very poetic and gives the piece a really nice rhythm which makes it even creepier. You added all those little details into these short lines that help the reader picture the situation quite accurately. The bed is too hard, the child is thirsty and isn’t allowed a drink of water, the room is cold, no teddy bear. The poor child must be very miserable.
The kidnapper tries to get the money with as little trouble as possible. And they also seem quite smart. A dead child would be really bad for them, so let’s hope the parents pay, and the police get the kidnapper. They also don’t want to be bothered by the child. So they promise to watch the news the next day hoping the child keeps quiet. The line “You do not need to know what those letters mean” is a very nice touch.
I can’t think of anything you can do to improve writing such as this. This is beautifully written with an eerie songlike feeling to it. Well done!
This critique brought to you by The Jolly Old Roger, Merry Critmas!