Character - Minion Theatre

"MINION RABBIT!" The shout comes from the center of the noisy room, a bellow Dwight is still learning to cringe at correctly when he is the target of its wrath. "WHY ARE THE AFT ENGINES NOT RESPONDING?" The bunny-ears-wearing shoutee huddles in his seat in something approaching said mandatory cringe as his fellow minions lean away from him carefully and the lion-masked shouter glowers from his grand throne.

"Sir, the controls are unresponsive, sir!" Dwight's seat, a green lawn chair with a broken back slat, wobbles as he tries to keep his uncomfortable position. "I'm not sure any of the buttons even do anything, I hit the blue one when you say to but it's not like – ."

"Minion, are you implying this is my fault?" The minions closest to Dwight get up slowly and back away, mumbling under their breath about regulation bathroom breaks. "Or that there is something wrong with my Ark? OR ARE YOU SIMPLY A FOOL!?" The man on the throne stands abruptly, pointing a clawed hand at Dwight.

"MASTER BEAST, SIR!" The ninja-turtle-masked minion shouting from the edge of the room has just appeared from an elevator and yet seems out of breath. "The prison cells, block 32, the prisoners are escap-." A single claw from Master Beast's gauntlet fires as he swings it around, piercing the throat of the turtle minion and cutting off his announcement as he falls to the floor choking on blood.

"Oh for – MEDICAL!" A door opens to the left and Master Beast points the swan-costumed figures inside toward the turtle minion. "Get him to the – !"

"Rockets inbound, sir!" The spider-costumed minion's shout cuts off the Beast Master but his warning looks to register as he gesticulates wildly at his console. "Origin due – !" The entire room shakes and consoles around the area explode violently, including one near Dwight. Minions go flying from the force of the explosions as Dwight's chair finally snaps and he falls to the ground. Crawling painfully away he looks up to see the head of a minion with a chicken mask still attached falling towards him through the air. He faints as it lands next to him.

Hopping madly Beast Master points at various minions lying around the room, "ALL OF THEM! Get all of their worthless hides to the medical bay, NOW!" The med team produce a number of stretchers from their closet-like office and rush to the various minions, checking for signs of life and picking up the ones with a chance to live. Dwight is gathered along with the rest and rushed from the room as fans in the ceiling suck away the smoke and Beast Master continues shouting out battle plans.

Down the hall a short distance he opens an eye carefully, notices the lights passing by overhead and raises an arm to grab the nearest attendant. Waving them off after being put down he stands momentarily, only to end up leaning against a wall weakly. Stalking up the hall comes a woman with a cougar face who looks to be perpetually annoyed at no-one in particular, yet now she spots Dwight with a toothy grin.

"You, Minion … I don't know, Bunny? Hare? What are you doing slacking off?" Dwight tries to cringe but pulls a muscle in his shoulder doing so, he nearly falls over again but stops himself by grabbing the shoulder of the woman.

"Madam Cougar, I was – oh!" He only now seems to realize what he has done, not to mention the exact position of his hand, and jumps backward to continue leaning against the wall in a half-cringe. "I was … sent to re-capture the prisoners! Just heading there now when the Ark shook, better be on my way!" Madam Cougar raises an elegantly penciled eyebrow, then takes a step too close to Dwight as her tail flicks dangerously.

"You? All alone?" She puts an a clawed paw on the wall behind him and bends closer, "Beasty Poo must have quite the opinion of you, color me … intrigued." She leans in and plants her mouth against his as he struggles to pull away, her whiskers twitch slightly then droop. Stepping back a bit deflated, "Oh … how droll. You may be a master of war but I sense no skill with romance." She turns away suddenly with a whisk of her tail then stops in surprise. "Master Beast!"

He stands some feet behind her, a full retinue of soldier minions behind him armed with claw-shaped blades and black pistols. The arm with the claw gauntlet raises and points at Madam Cougar, then a hairy fingers beckon her closer. She leaps into his arms joyfully and they share a passionate kiss.

Turning to Dwight, "Minion Rabbit?" Dwight is already slipping a small pill from his fanny pack 'utility belt' into his mouth with one hand as he salutes with the other, but finds himself retching the pill back up when Master Beast swiftly kicks him in the chest. "No, today you live to serve. I would advise you never set eyes on my wife again unless you should have the perverse desire for me to gouge them out." He turns and marches away as Dwight closes his eyes tightly, still saluting.

He remains there for nearly a minute then scuttles away, holding tightly to the wall with his eyes kept firmly shut. Inching along, tears dripping from his eyes and snot from his nose, he doesn't notice when the door in front of him glides up and open. Through the doorway sneaks a short balding man, fumbling with a pair of glasses that don't work at all with the butterfly mask also held to his face. Dwight and the butterfly man collide and the man goes sprawling into the arms of a bear of a man behind him.

"Doc, what – ?" Dwight, scrambling madly to try and help whoever he just ran into pushes the door button accidentally, sending the pneumatic door closing on the dome of the huge man's head and knocking him out as well. Two teens look out from behind the two men and scream shrilly, sending Dwight's hands to his ears; they turn around to run back behind the large man and a produce a muffled thump as they run into each other.

Dwight, still reduced to fumbling around as he refuses to open his eyes, stands in place. When Beast Master arrives moments later he is still standing above the four unconscious people,  sometime shivering uncontrollably but otherwise frozen by the fear of making things worse. The platoon behind run forward and begin tying up the four people, while Beast Master puts a friendly arm around Dwight and Madam Cougar traces a paw up his face coyly.

"Minion Rabbit, I am impressed! To defeat my archenemy so handily, you are more adept than I could have dreamed. I will … yes, I will make you my new second-in-command." Dwight blubbers out a confused and meaningless stutter and cringes beautifully, his eyes still shut. "Oh, right. Open your eyes, the privileges of your new status include hitting on my wife at most once a week and of course the freedom to look upon her." Dwight carefully opens one eye, takes in the current situation with the realization that what he just heard was not some paranoid nightmare, and promptly falls over. "Poor fellow, but I suppose not many could take on the Doctor's Guardian and remain living." Beast Master takes his wife by the waist and strolls away with her, not bothering to look back as the other minions pick up Dwight and carry him away, "It's a miracle he stayed conscious for so long!"